13: Transforming the Hidden Schemas That Are Sabotaging Your Relationships – Justine & Gemma
- Gemma Gladstone
- November 7, 2020
Many different reasons cause us to develop abandonment schemas, and two other schemas tend to co-occur alongside an abandonment schema. They are the self-sacrifice schema and the subjugation schema. Those can cause a lot of distress, so you need to become aware of them and the way they could affect you.
With both the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, you tend to become preoccupied with other people’s thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and desires. And with both of them, you end up putting yourself aside, either to make the other person happy or to keep them connected to you. In today’s episode, we will be talking about the primary emotions that drive the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas, how those schemas differ, how they affect your relationships, and what you can do to transform them so that they no longer affect you as much as before. Be sure to stay tuned to find out all you need to know about the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas and how to lessen the negative impact they could be having on your life.
Show highlights:
- The primary emotion that drives the self-sacrifice schema.
- How the self-sacrifice and the subjugation schemas differ.
- Why you could end up with burnout as a result of self-sacrifice.
- The primary emotional driver of the subjugation schema.
- Why subjugation causes you to suppress your authenticity.
- How the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas affect relationships.
- Why you’re likely to choose partners with extreme personality types, like narcissists, when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
- Why it is hard to have healthy boundaries when you have self-sacrifice or subjugation schemas.
- How different schemas operate and roll out at the various stages of a relationship.
- What happens to you when you chronically suppress yourself in a relationship.
- Coping with the shame and grief around the realization of what your unhealthy relationship truly is.
- Two common patterns that incorporate the self-sacrifice, subjugation, and abandonment schemas.
- How to put yourself in a position to start feeling more powerful.
Links and resources:
The Good Mood Clinic website
Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au
Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.