20: Coping with Narcissistic Parents: Four Different Pathways
- Gemma Gladstone
- January 28, 2021
We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.
The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent.
- Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
- Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
- What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
- The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
- Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial.
- How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
- Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person.
- Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.
- What you need to consider in terms of how you manage the relationship when you continue your relationship with a narcissistic parent.
- Getting to know and understand the various modes that tend to get triggered in the narcissist will help you to manage your relationship with them.
- Trying to get your narcissistic parent to reflect on and understand their behavior is a dead-end street.
- Gemma explains what is going on with the narcissist internally and how to cope with their behavior when they go into bullying or attacking mode or the angry child mode.
Links and resources:
Email Gemma and Justine at firstname.lastname@example.org
Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.