22: Coming To Terms with Narcissistic Parents

• Gemma Gladstone
• February 18, 2021

We have been talking a lot about narcissism on the podcast recently because we have found that one of the main themes that people come to therapy with falls within the realm of narcissism. Coming to terms with narcissistic parents is a big issue that many people face, and it can be hard to do.

In our last episode, we spoke about the nature of the different dynamics of relationships with a narcissistic parent. In this episode, we will be talking about getting to the point of seeing your narcissistic parents for who they are and accepting them just as they are. Acceptance does not mean approval, however. Nor does it mean condoning someone’s unacceptable behavior or letting them off the hook. Acceptance is about accepting the reality of what is. And that can be very hard to do because it brings up many emotions around grief and loss. Listen in today to learn about coming to terms with having a narcissistic parent and the process you need to go through around that. 

Show highlights:

• You first need to come to be able to see that your parent is narcissistic. Then allow yourself to have all of your feelings about what that has meant and still means for you.
• It is good to explore your schemas and modes and discover how they were formed in the environment in which you were raised.
• The narcissistic parent is compromised, so they don’t always meet the needs of their children.
• Letting go is part of the painful process of coming to terms with a narcissistic parent.
• Why children often tend to take on the responsibility of keeping their parent emotionally safe. 
• Using the schema process to overcome the difficulties that adult children of narcissistic parents tend to have.
• Coming to terms with your parent being who they are. 
• Coming to terms with the feelings of grief and loss that result from toxic parenting.
• Coming to terms with your unmet childhood needs.
• Various modes result from the pain of unmet needs in children. It is important to look at those parts of yourself and re-parent yourself if you have had a narcissistic parent.
• Justine and Gemma talk about what you need to do to re-parenting yourself.
• The grief will always be there, but it will transform and change over time if you take good care of yourself.

Links and resources:

Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au  

Books mentioned: Will I ever Be Good Enough by Caroline McBride

                               Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

                               Children of Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown   

                               Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Caroline McBride                                            

The Red Flag Project has been released. Check out our website for more information.

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