32: After the Break-Up: Why Can’t I Get Over My Ex?
- Gemma Gladstone
- July 22, 2021
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The break up of a romantic relationship causes so much angst and heartache for so many of us. Some people can’t stop thinking about their ex, and regardless of whether they did the breaking up or someone broke up with them, they cannot get that person out of their mind. They remain emotionally invested and find it hard to stop ruminating, even if they were with the person only for a few dates or a short-term relationship.
Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their conversation on the theme of romantic break-ups. In this episode, they talk about some of the ways that schemas can trip you up during a break-up. You might become distressed and confused when you cannot stop thinking about the person with whom you have broken up. You might dream about your ex-partner, and it could even reach a point where your friends and family start becoming frustrated with you for not moving on. Yet, you still find yourself trapped in a continuous loop from which you feel unable to break free. When a schema gets activated, it adds another layer of emotional suffering to something that is already hard, so be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do when you cannot get over your ex after breaking up.
Show highlights:
- Although it can be very distressing and confusing when an abandonment schema gets activated during a break-up, you can still choose how to respond to it.
- Gaining some insight and knowledge can help you not to be so hard on yourself.
- Many people get triggered when photos get tagged on social media.
- What happens when your preoccupation with your ex is based on guilt.
- After a break-up, people need time to disconnect, heal and reinvest their energies into themselves.
- Why abandonment schemas can lead to rumination after a break-up.
- How to help yourself become less inclined to go down the tracks of rumination.
- Understanding your abandonment schema.
- How schema therapy and schema mode therapy empower people.
- Resisting the allure of your abandonment fantasy and learning to tend to your own suffering after a break-up.
- Some tips for coping when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
- Gemma and Justine have put together a manual for strategies to help cope and minimize your suffering after a break-up.
Other links and resources mentioned:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson