33: The Mailbox: Help! I’m Avoiding Relationships Because They’re too Painful
- Gemma Gladstone
- July 29, 2021
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Gemma and Justine have another conversation in their series on breakups and schemas today.
If you have ever experienced a breakup when you have an abandonment schema, you know how traumatic it is. So it is understandable if you would want to avoid going through that pain again. In this episode, Justine and Gemma share a mailbox segment. They answer a question sent in by a client of Justine, who is in the process of addressing her abandonment schema. Although she is doing well and has started experimenting with finding a relationship, she has become aware of a strong urge to avoid looking for a partner because she fears the feelings that might arise if things fail to work out.
In trying to care for herself in the longer term, Justine’s client is struggling to deal with her fears around the possibility of having to feel the feelings of abandonment again. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you are in that situation.
Show highlights:
- Gemma and Justine explain why people might intentionally choose to avoid relationships.
- There is a difference between someone avoiding finding a romantic partner due to the pain of an abandonment schema and someone who is not interested in a relationship.
- Life can be easier if you avoid relationships, but it can also be lonely.
- Even when you understand your schemas and can use that framework to understand your past relationship decisions and how they played out, it can still be difficult to muster the confidence to trust your decision-making and avoid choosing an unavailable partner.
- In their Red Flag Project, Gemma and Justine share a specific strategy to help you avoid becoming attached to people too quickly.
- Once you can spot the red flags, you will realize how much you have changed.
- Although you cannot avoid your emotional triggers, you can learn to respond in healthier ways.
- How to cope when you realize that your defectiveness schema has been triggered.
- Download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the podcast page on our website!
- What you can do if you are struggling to find someone you like.
- Even if you do not feel it initially, you could end up having amazing chemistry with someone who meets your emotional needs.
- Dating is about self-development as well as finding a partner. Doing the right kind of work can help shift your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and remove your internal barriers to finding someone.
Books:
Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson