34: The Mailbox: Schemas and Friendships: Abandonment in Platonic Relationships
- Gemma Gladstone
- August 26, 2021
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Some people find it very hard to cope if their best friend goes out with another friend or starts a new friendship with someone else. They might find themselves feeling cut off, needy, jealous, or even angry. Abandonment triggers in a friendship can be just as strong as those in a romantic relationship. Especially if that friendship is a special one and the friend is someone important to you. In those situations, the same feelings could come up as they would in a romantic relationship. That can be quite confusing.
In this episode, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question they received from a therapist who wrote in asking for tips for some of her clients struggling with an abandonment schema and friendships. Those clients were finding it very hard to cope with the problems they experienced in their platonic relationships. Stay tuned today to hear about the triggers that can come up in your friendships when you have an abandonment schema and learn what to do to create healthier relationships.
Show highlights:
- Gemma and Justine talk about some of the situations in a friendship that could trigger an abandonment schema.
- Having an abandonment schema triggered can cause feelings of shame or make people feel like something is wrong with them.
- Sometimes, we have friendships that are not good for us. Those relationships can be very triggering.
- Justine and Gemma discuss what defines a healthy friendship.
- Repairing a relationship with a friend can sometimes be harder than repairing a romantic relationship.
- Some characteristics of schema-driven friendships.
- Relationships can be hard work.
- Triggers are often small and can represent a difference or a separation.
- Not all situations need to be discussed. Sometimes you only need to sit with your feelings.
- Moving away from the black and white/all or nothing frame of reference is vital in healthy relationships.
- It helps to understand that all relationships go through cycles of rupture and repair.
Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson