36: Fifty Shades of Red: How Knowing Your Schemas Can Prevent Toxic Relationships
- Gemma Gladstone
- September 23, 2021
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Some distinct red flags tend to show up in the very early stages of dating that indicate that the person you are dating is likely to become emotionally unavailable, controlling, or toxic in a relationship. When you are in that situation, it can be hard to understand what is going on, and if you really want the relationship to work out, you could even become resistant and fail to recognize your schemas when they come up.
Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their series on the indicators of coerciveness or control in the early stages of dating. In the last episode, they did a therapist/client role-play to help you identify some early markers of controlling behaviors, understand what they mean, and recognize the feelings that tend to arise when that happens. In this episode, they refer to that role-play and take a deeper dive into the topic. They focus on schemas that might come up for the client and analyze what could be going on with her internally after being triggered by the guy she is dating. Stay tuned today to find out about the schemas that could make you vulnerable to control and learn how to avoid the possibility of landing up in a toxic relationship.
- It can be confusing when being romantic and taking control crosses the line into becoming insensitive and controlling.
- Schemas that could make you vulnerable to being controlled or cloud your judgment.
- How an abandonment schema could affect you.
- The best mindset to adopt, when you have an abandonment schema and start dating.
- How a subjugation schema could affect you.
- Someone making fun of you, or a put-down made in jest, on a first date is a red flag.
- The difference between being self-sacrificing and being subjugated.
- How a defectiveness schema could affect you.
- It is vital to have self-respect and protect the vulnerable child within you.
- Why do we need relationships to learn about ourselves?
- What a dependence schema is all about.
- Looking at schema chemistry. (What happens when you are attracted to someone who could potentially wound you in the same way you were wounded as a child?)
- Justine explains what the ‘downstairs brain’ is.
- Justine and Gemma talk about their upcoming webinar.
Other links and resources:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In Control by Jane Monckton Smith
Schema Chemistry: Understanding the Role of Schemas in Romantic Attraction
The webinar will take place on Thursday the 28th of October at Australian Eastern Standard Time