40: The Mailbox: The Self-Sacrifice Schema
- Gemma Gladstone
- December 16, 2021
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Book mentioned in the show:
When the Body Says No by Gabor Mat
Some of the ways we behave and think are known as schemas. Schemas could be described as a filter through which we view the world, and they are closely linked to our deeply entrenched core beliefs.
Recently, Justine and Gemma received emails from various listeners experiencing similar problems. One of the emails was from Harry, who explained that he has an empathetic personality and suffered from being in a relationship with someone narcissistic, which probably means he has a self-sacrifice schema and possibly some other issues as well. Sally also wrote in to say that she has a friend who is a big self-sacrificer, and it gets in the way of her life.
In this episode, Gemma and Justine look at Harry and Sally’s situations and discuss schemas. They describe the self-sacrifice schema. They also describe the subjugation schema, which is different but often gets correlated with the self-sacrifice schema clinically. They discuss what those schemas feel like, what brings them up, and the kinds of problems they cause for people. They also give several tips for breaking out of self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns. Stay tuned for more!
- Justine describes the self-sacrifice schema.
- Guilt and resentment are associated with self-sacrifice schemas.
- Gemma talks about where the subjugation schema comes from, what brings it up, and the kind of problems it can cause.
- Resentment usually kicks in after the self-sacrifice schema has come up.
- With subjugation schemas, people fear retaliation, rejection, and abandonment.
- The stress-related conditions that to occur with self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas.
- Gemma explains why she describes self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas as adaptive schemas, and why they might be referred to as conditional or secondary schemas in schema therapy.
- Why sensitive or empathic people are more prone to developing and surrendering to a self-sacrifice schema.
- Why are people with a self-sacrifice schema likely drawn to or targeted by narcissistic or entitled individuals?
- Justine and Gemma share some tips for breaking out of the self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns.
- Gemma explains what schema therapy is all about.
- There are dangers in not establishing good boundaries early on in your relationships and checking in with your schemas soon enough to start creating healthy options.
- Gemma talks about their new website, www.theredflagproject.com