43: The Mailbox: How to Avoid Becoming a Narcissistic Parent
- Gemma Gladstone
- February 17, 2022
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Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child.
Today, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that.
In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do.
Stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself.
- Getting to know yourself and your schemas is vital before you decide to have a child.
- Coping with anger when it comes up in you as a new parent.
- Feelings of deprivation and anger from a relationship with a narcissistic parent tend to come up and feel worse when you are vulnerable. It is vital to be mindful of those feelings and reflect on them.
- Avoid getting into a tug-o-war with your strong-willed child.
- Take a few moments to reflect on what is going on with you before you start doing emotional first-aid.
- Gemma shares a list of things that narcissistic parents do not do or with which they tend to struggle.
- There is a lot of therapeutic power in an apology.
- Narcissists tend to demand respect without doing anything to cultivate it.
- Why do people raised by narcissistic parents tend to develop subjugation schemas?
- Transparently modeling for your child how you do your self-development is extremely valuable.
- You can gain confidence as a parent with John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching.
- Justine and Gemma are thinking of creating a membership group to help people interested in self-development and schema therapy get a comprehensive overview of the schema model. Email them if you are interested in joining the group.