45: The Tinder Swindler – Looking Through the Schema Lens
- Gemma Gladstone
- March 10, 2022
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Today, we are talking about red flags.
The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective.
In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women.
Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!
Show highlights:
- Nowadays, con men and women have more means, resources, and avenues to exploit and manipulate people than ever before.
- The character in the movie quickly screens his victims and feeds into their idea of what love and romance should look like.
- We explain why the movie character probably has a narcissistic personality disorder and falls into the anti-social psychopathy spectrum.
- The movie character has a strong sense of self-importance and a massive ego.
- We discuss the various schema modes of the movie character.
- In schema therapy, anti-social traits get correlated with the psychopathy spectrum.
- What does the person in the conning and manipulative mode do to achieve their goals?
- Most people do not expect to come across anyone with a dominant mode to intentionally con and deceive others. Gemma shares a clue to look out for that would indicate that someone has that mode.
- When challenged, or called out, the movie character quickly switched from a charming to an angry and threatening mode.
- Although he had many red flags, the guy in the movie was adept at quickly building a sense of trust and intimacy with his victims.
- Why does it become harder for people to look at red flags rationally after being love-bombed?
- It is vital to trust your gut feelings if things do not add up or you feel confused.