48: People Pleasing & Approval Seeking: Are You Looking for Approval in All the Wrong Places?
- Gemma Gladstone
- May 5, 2022
Gemma Gladstone speaks on People Pleasing & Approval Seeking: Are You Looking for Approval in All the Wrong Places?
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Subjugation is common in our society, particularly amongst women and people in the helping professions.
Subjugation is relevant within schema therapy. Yet it tends to be grossly under-examined and under-rated as a schema because it is generally considered secondary or conditional to the core or unconditional schemas like the abandonment schema, the emotional deprivation schema, or the mistrust abuse schema, all of which are developed very early in life.
Schemas are fascinating because they can influence many aspects of how we behave. To compensate for our unmet emotional needs, we may fall into adaptive compensatory patterns and suppress our needs and sense of self. Or we may take care of others or go along with more dominant individuals to feel accepted, avoid abandonment, or gain approval.
In this episode, Gemma continues with and expands on the topic of living a subjugated life. She dives into why so many people have what may be referred to as the trifecta of other-directedness- self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval seeking. She also talks about the adaptive processes children go through, to survive a domineering parent, discusses the subtle differences between people pleasing and approval seeking, and explains what you should focus on if you are an approval seeker. Stay tuned for more!
- People pleasing, self-sacrifice, and approval-seeking fall into other-directed schemas. Gemma explains what other-directedness means.
- Gemma talks about approval seeking and explains what happens when our validation needs do not get met, or when the approval we get is conditional.
- Gemma explains why so many of her clients develop the pattern of having a combination of self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, and approval-seeking schemas to varying degrees.
- How care-giver-guilt develops in a child, and how that impacts their needs.
- What happens to a child when a subjugating parent regularly uses anger to hold the family to ransom?
- How can early programming prevent people from ever putting themselves first?
- Why do self-sacrifice, subjugation, and approval-seeking often get bundled up together?
- The subtle differences between pleasing others to avoid guilt or because you are fearful of them and approval seeking.
- Why are narcissists unlikely to hand out praise or compliment anyone on a job well done?
- What should you focus on if you are an approval seeker?