51: Overcoming Schema Chemistry: Breaking Old Relationship Patterns
- Gemma Gladstone
- June 9, 2022
Overcoming Schema Chemistry: Breaking Old Relationship Patterns
June 09, 2022 Gemma Gladstone and Justine Corry https://www.buzzsprout.com/1137656/10756342-51-overcoming-schema-chemistry-breaking-old-relationship-patterns?client_source=admin&iframe=true Description
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Over the years, Gemma and Justine have had many clients, mostly women, with some insecure attachment styles. Those clients have a pattern of being attracted to and forming relationships with aloof, inconsistent, unreliable, emotionally depriving, or emotionally unavailable people. They sometimes feel the lack and become aware of what they are not getting from the relationship. Yet something about the relationship dynamic resonates with them subconsciously, so they tend to stay in it.
Often, they do not know where they stand in their relationship, and they tend to become fraught with insecurity. They become preoccupied with what they are NOT getting and stay in the unsatisfying relationship, wishing and hoping that their partner will change, become more available, and eventually meet their needs.
People in relationships driven by schema chemistry mostly do not get their emotional needs met. To get a different outcome, they would have to avoid being seduced by the chemistry and learn to judge their relationship and partner according to different criteria.
In this episode, Justine and Gemma explore some of the barriers associated with change and overcoming schema chemistry. They discuss why it is so hard for some people to make different decisions and avoid getting swept up in schema chemistry.
Stay tuned for more!
Show highlights:
- Overcome the pattern of not being fully aware when your hidden schemas play out in your romantic relationships.
- Why do people with an emotional deprivation schema find it hard to ask for what they need in relationships?
- Some schemas are more relational than others, so you need to identify what is going on with you in your relationships and bring it to a place of awareness.
- Another barrier is when you experience romantic sexual chemistry with more emotionally available partners, but you find them boring or annoying.
- Cycles of high anxiety and relief can be compelling, and they tend to get misattributed as a romantic attachment. That indicates that there are several factors related to schema chemistry going on.
- One more barrier is when you tend to get into relationships where there is a lot of love-bombing (i.e. grandiose displays of love and affection) early on.
- It is vital to check in with your healthy adult mode to avoid getting swept away by love-bombing.
- Love bombing is often a red flag and a marker for bad things to come. It is usually fake, so it only continues for several weeks or months.
- It is normal not to know where you stand with someone initially and get to know them over time.
- Another barrier is when you have an abandonment schema and your strong feelings of abandonment get in the way if you want to make a change or you begin to question your pattern of committing to or pursuing unavailable people.
- What can you do if you change your dating patterns, but none of the people you meet light you up?
- When you start noticing the anxiety you feel at the start of a new relationship, you reassess what is going on, and you retrain your radar, you will see that people tend to become much less attractive.
- What should you do if you are bored or turned off by someone who appears to tick all the right boxes?
- Why is it a good idea to delay having sex with someone until you know them better?
- You have to deal with the short-term pain of your abandonment schema to get a long-term gain.