52: Disarming the Narcissist: Being True to Yourself in Dating, Relationships & Other Tough Encounters with Wendy Behary
- Gemma Gladstone
- June 16, 2022
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Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary
We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast today! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism.
Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition.
Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally.
We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life.
- Narcissism is on a continuum, so there are people with narcissistic traits who may not have a full-blown personality disorder.
- If you grew up with someone narcissistic, your identity was probably held hostage for a long time. You will also have carried the burdens that typically come with having a narcissistic parent or adult caretaker living vicariously through you, putting unrealistic expectations upon you, or ignoring you because they are so self-centered.
- Why is it a good thing when you become highly sensitized to narcissism after learning about it?
- Notice the patterns in yourself where you go silent, give in, lose your voice, subjugate yourself, and sacrifice your own needs.
- Wendy explains what an activating condition is and how that triggers narcissistic people.
- Who is a narcissist, and what do you need to look out for in the early days of dating someone?
- If you want to be an advocate for yourself, be sure of your intention when talking to someone you are dating, and make sure that what you say is having the impact you want.
- What should you do if you’re dating someone you like but start noticing red flags?
- How to use “the narrator voice” as a tool when someone is love-bombing you.
- How to manage things and cope when facing someone narcissistic who triggers you, but you cannot avoid having them in your life.
- It is terrifying for narcissistic people when you try a new and different dance with them, but they are unlikely to know that.
- Wendy essentially re-wrote Disarming the Narcissist, elaborated on everything, and added three chapters of new material for the third edition.
- What does it mean to use empathic confrontation?
- Are narcissistic capable of change? If so, what makes them want to change, and what does the process look like for them?
- Narcissists are impaired humans. They act superior to everyone else, but how do they feel inside?