55: Revisiting the Abandonment Schema & Romantic Relationships
- Gemma Gladstone
- July 7, 2022
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Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young
The Abandonment Recovery Workbook by Susan Anderson
We are revisiting the abandonment schema today.
Some of Gemma’s clients are considering returning to the dating world again, so they asked her to talk some more about the abandonment schema and how it relates to dating.
Abandonment is a huge topic! In schema therapy, the abandonment schema is one of the core schemas. It is a very primitive and primal schema. It is possibly the most central schema for all mammals, so it is common.
Schemas are abiding and deeply-entrenched core beliefs that direct our lives. They become the lens through which we see our lives and influence our decision-making and what we focus our attention on. Schemas can give us a framework for understanding ourselves and others and interpreting what is happening in the world.
In this episode, Gemma dives into the abandonment schema and explains what you need to look out for in your relationships, especially romantic relationships.
You will find this episode helpful if you are in the dating world and looking to find a new partner. Stay tuned for more!
- Schemas are emotionally-laden constructs, so when they are triggered you feel it in your body.
- The abandonment schema can originate very early in life.
- Our genetics influence our temperament and how we deal with abandonment and separation.
- How does abandonment develop in childhood?
- Having an abandonment schema means fundamental insecurity in your attachment system.
- An abandonment schema can sometimes overlap with other schemas or give rise to secondary schemas.
- If you have a profound and flooring reaction to a trigger, it could be a schema.
- How does abandonment affect our love template and adult life when seeking a romantic partner?
- We get drawn to what is familiar, so when left to our own devices, we tend to radiate to what we know.
- Why do people with abandonment schemas get stuck in relationships with unavailable partners?
- Gemma explains what unavailability might look like in a partner.
- You cannot do the healing for someone else- especially when you have to heal yourself.
- Gemma does a recap on the coping styles people use to cope with their abandonment schema.
- When we surrender to our schema, we tend to become blind to the red flags.
- What can you do to cope with or change an abandonment schema?