59: The Mailbox: When Both Your Parents Are Narcissists
- Gemma Gladstone
- August 11, 2022
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We are doing a mailbox episode today!
Someone we will call Sam sent in a thoughtful and vulnerable email after listening to and resonating with something we mentioned in our episode on narcissistic mothers.
Sam is an overseas listener who grew up with two narcissistic parents. He has a brother and a younger sister who he describes as his mother’s narcissistic “mini-me”.
In the podcast, we mentioned that being parented by a narcissist could squash your natural light, and someone with that psychological history might not even know who they truly are. Sam resonated with something similar when he first learned about the inner child and heard of the chronic emptiness felt by those who have had to assume inauthentic selves in early childhood as a result of conditional love. He has been living with a similar ache which is sometimes debilitating- even with medication and a healthy lifestyle. So he asked if we could do an episode on recovering that squashed light and share some advice on how people with chronic depression can regain their vitality.
Stay tuned for more.
- People raised by two narcissistic parents develop other modes of coping, which could mean creating a false self.
- Gemma and Justine discuss why Sam feels so empty.
- How do people develop an inauthentic self?
- Justine and Gemma dive into the schemas that might be within the darkness Sam feels.
- Children suppress themselves to adapt to whatever situation they are in and survive. That usually produces secondary schemas.
- What is the inner light Sam refers to, and what happens to children when that inner light gets squashed?
- Justine shares examples of the things she is careful not to do because they might inhibit her children’s freedom, authenticity, and lack of self-consciousness.
- People raised by narcissists tend to develop a sense of under-entitlement.
- Where should you start with trying to figure out who you are?
- It is crucial to create connections with other people.
- Schema therapy can help you heal and reconnect with your authentic self.
- Justine and Gemma discuss the course they are currently working on, called Know Your Schemas. Register your interest at https://goodmoodclinic.com.au/kys and buy the course at a discounted rate.