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Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

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In schema therapy, ‘over-compensation’ is one of 3 coping behavioural styles. When a schema is triggered, we have the urge to respond – to avoid, to surrender to the meaning of the schema, or to over-compensate or fight against the meaning of the schema. In this episode Gemma discusses and breaks down the over-compensation response.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

NEW! Schema Circle Membership
We have launched our new membership program!! Are you ready to go to the next level in your self-development using the clarity, wisdom and insights from Schema Therapy? We would love to help you in our brand new online membership.
Have a look at ALL our resources and products (including the new SCHEMA CIRCLE).
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Contact us by email- justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In today’s episode Justine & Gemma discuss 4 things you can start working on if you think that you might have narcissistic traits or modes.

Typically, if someone tells us they think they are narcissistic, they often are not at all. Most clients who are narcissistic don’t present for therapy unless their world is significantly compromised in some way (eg, their spouse splits up with them, they lose their job, they lose friends and people don’t want to being around them anymore). Some of our listeners have asks us to do an episode on how narcissists can change.

We have identified 4 key issues/interpersonal problems that the narcissist typically struggles with and we discuss each one describing how you can start to make small changes and improvements in these areas.

The key to all of this is of course, greater self-awareness and learning to tolerate uncomfortable emotions instead of using unhelpful coping behaviours (eg, over-compensation) to suppress or reject those emotions.

The 4 issues discussed are

Learning to tolerate another person’s subjectivity.
Learning to do repairs
Owning your contribution to the problem
Learning to tolerate shame and guilt without the need to blame others

In today’s episode we discuss 3 signs that you may want to firm up your psychological boundaries.

The first one is Resentment. Having high levels of long standing resentment is a sign that you have been suppressing your true thoughts and feelings for way too long, perhaps you have been “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”. Resentment can be the result of surrendering to your subjugation schema- feeling that you can’t speak your mind for fear of retaliation, rejection and disapproval.

The second sign is Burnout. Reaching Burnout means you’ve hit a wall and you can feel 1) exhausted; 2) reduced fulfilment in life and/or work and 3) general cynicism that often goes with a feeling of reduced empathy for others. This can all be the result of doing too much, putting your own needs last, assuming too much responsibility for others; pushing yourself to your physical and emotional limits; not saying “no” when you really should and pursuing unrelenting standards to your detriment.

The third is Guilt. Guilt is a normal and sometimes useful and valid emotion. But many times we can feel way too much guilt and be driven by unreasonably high levels of this emotion. The self-sacrifice schema is largely driven by guilt – people with a high degree of this schema can be preoccupied by the need to lessen their guilt by overly focusing on the needs of others. Self-care and boundaries are compromised when we also prioritise other people’s needs and think that it our job to take away other people’s pain and suffering. When we fail to do this enough, we can feel incredibly guilty.

If boundaries are an issue for you, please check out our membership program as it’s one of the hot topics we will be addressing in depth. Schema Circle Membership

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

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Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

What does it mean to be a rescuer in relationships and why are some people really prone to fall into this pattern. Well Justine thought she was having just another uneventful evening at the movies, but little did she know the content of the film would propel her back to a turbulent relationship she had in her 20’s. For 6 years Justine was stuck in a cycle of wanting and needing to rescue her then boyfriend. If only she knew then what she knows now.

In this episode we explore the tendency to hang in here way too long with a partner who is emotionally unavailable – someone you feel needs your help, someone you need to fix or rescue. Why is this such a strong urge and what schemas underpin this dynamic?

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Register your interest for our new Know Your Schemas course

Up to 50% of people have this schema, it’s incredibly common and underpins a great many relationship, personality and mental health issues.

Today we discuss the Emotional Deprivation Schema. It’s one of the core schemas, it develops early life usually in the first 10 years. It can be a tricky one for us to identify as it tends to be pervasive but elusive at the same time.

What is it:-

The Emotional Deprivation schema is the expectation that one’s desire for emotional connection will not be adequately fulfilled. You don’ expect people to be there for you in different ways. Young identified three forms: (1) deprivation of nurturance (the absence of affection or caring); (2) deprivation of empathy (the absence of listening or understanding); and (3) deprivation of protection (the absence of strength or guidance from others).

In this episode Justine and Gemma discuss this schema in depth and how it shows up in our lives, how it plays out in the clients they see as well as discussing where it comes from and how it tends to develop.

In an earlier episode (No.5) Gemma talks about core emotional needs.

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249

Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB

For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

In today’s mailbox episode, Gemma and Justine address two questions submitted by two different listeners. One of the questions is about co-parenting children with a narcissistic ex-partner and how to protect them from the negative influences of their narcissistic parent. The other question is about supporting a partner while they have schema therapy.

Like any other personality trait, type, or disorder, narcissism falls on a continuum, so every case is different and comes with its own level of difficulty. People can fall anywhere on the spectrum, from having a few narcissistic traits to being an extremely toxic pathological and malignant narcissist. Some people with narcissistic traits could also have some healthy traits. So you might be able to communicate with them rationally in their healthy moments, while others may have more extreme traits and can be more difficult to deal with as a co-parent.

Narcissism is a complicated topic, and co-parenting your children with a narcissistic ex-partner can be very tricky. You can go back and listen to episodes 14, 17, 20, and 22 to gain a deeper understanding of narcissism and learn how to deal with the narcissist in your life. Those episodes also cover how to manage your narcissistic parents when you are an adult.

Gemma and Justine are passionate about schema therapy, getting to the crux of the issue, and helping people realize that there is always something they can do, so stay tuned to hear their responses to today’s mailbox questions.

Show highlights:

Justine reads out and discusses the email that Joe sent in asking how to support his teenage daughters without undermining their relationship with their narcissistic mother.
Gemma explains how Joe can keep the lines of communication with his kids open.
Justine explains to Joe how he can provide a safe space and be an emotional coach for his kids.
What you can do when your child comes home and shares a distressing story about something that has happened at their other parent’s house.
Talking to your kids about boundaries.
There are many resources available on the topic of narcissism.
Justine and Gemma summarize and discuss Karen’s question about how to help and support her partner while he is doing schema therapy.
How to cope with a partner with an emotional deprivation and a self-sacrifice schema.
Coming up with a plan when your partner and you both get triggered.
Why you should never throw things that people have said to you when they are vulnerable back in their faces.
How the subjugation and self-sacrifice schemas are correlated.

Links:
Free webinar:
https://susanstif

Books:
Disarming the Narcissist, by Wendy Behary

Co-Parenting with a Narcissistic Ex, by Aurora Morris

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!

Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au

Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Some distinct red flags tend to show up in the very early stages of dating that indicate that the person you are dating is likely to become emotionally unavailable, controlling, or toxic in a relationship. When you are in that situation, it can be hard to understand what is going on, and if you really want the relationship to work out, you could even become resistant and fail to recognize your schemas when they come up.

Today, Gemma and Justine continue with their series on the indicators of coerciveness or control in the early stages of dating. In the last episode, they did a therapist/client role-play to help you identify some early markers of controlling behaviors, understand what they mean, and recognize the feelings that tend to arise when that happens. In this episode, they refer to that role-play and take a deeper dive into the topic. They focus on schemas that might come up for the client and analyze what could be going on with her internally after being triggered by the guy she is dating. Stay tuned today to find out about the schemas that could make you vulnerable to control and learn how to avoid the possibility of landing up in a toxic relationship.

Show highlights:

It can be confusing when being romantic and taking control crosses the line into becoming insensitive and controlling.
Schemas that could make you vulnerable to being controlled or cloud your judgment.
How an abandonment schema could affect you.
The best mindset to adopt, when you have an abandonment schema and start dating.
How a subjugation schema could affect you.
Someone making fun of you, or a put-down made in jest, on a first date is a red flag.
The difference between being self-sacrificing and being subjugated.
How a defectiveness schema could affect you.
It is vital to have self-respect and protect the vulnerable child within you.
Why do we need relationships to learn about ourselves?
What a dependence schema is all about.
Looking at schema chemistry. (What happens when you are attracted to someone who could potentially wound you in the same way you were wounded as a child?)
Justine explains what the ‘downstairs brain’ is.
Justine and Gemma talk about their upcoming webinar.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life by Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
See What You Made Me Do by Jess Hill
The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker
In Control by Jane Monckton Smith

Webinar Link:
Schema Chemistry: Understanding the Role of Schemas in Romantic Attraction
The webinar will take place on Thursday the 28th of October at Australian Eastern Standard Time

Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au

Some people find it very hard to cope if their best friend goes out with another friend or starts a new friendship with someone else. They might find themselves feeling cut off, needy, jealous, or even angry. Abandonment triggers in a friendship can be just as strong as those in a romantic relationship. Especially if that friendship is a special one and the friend is someone important to you. In those situations, the same feelings could come up as they would in a romantic relationship. That can be quite confusing.

In this episode, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question they received from a therapist who wrote in asking for tips for some of her clients struggling with an abandonment schema and friendships. Those clients were finding it very hard to cope with the problems they experienced in their platonic relationships. Stay tuned today to hear about the triggers that can come up in your friendships when you have an abandonment schema and learn what to do to create healthier relationships.

Show highlights:

Gemma and Justine talk about some of the situations in a friendship that could trigger an abandonment schema.
Having an abandonment schema triggered can cause feelings of shame or make people feel like something is wrong with them.
Sometimes, we have friendships that are not good for us. Those relationships can be very triggering.
Justine and Gemma discuss what defines a healthy friendship.
Repairing a relationship with a friend can sometimes be harder than repairing a romantic relationship.
Some characteristics of schema-driven friendships.
Relationships can be hard work.
Triggers are often small and can represent a difference or a separation.
Not all situations need to be discussed. Sometimes you only need to sit with your feelings.
Moving away from the black and white/all or nothing frame of reference is vital in healthy relationships.
It helps to understand that all relationships go through cycles of rupture and repair.

Other links and resources:
Books:
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson

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