A Registered Therapist Offers Tips To Help You Process Grief
- Dr Gemma Gladstone
- September 6, 2019
How do you move on with your life after losing someone precious to you?
If there is one word that perfectly encapsulates the feeling after someone close to you dies, that would be bereavement. Merriam-Webster defines the term as “the state or fact of being bereaved or deprived of something or someone.”
And although death is one of the grim realities of life, you might find it hard to accept recent events, regardless of whether the death of the person is sudden or expected (due to a lingering illness or old age).
It doesn’t help that most people do not speak about death and the issues usually associated with it. This leaves the people left behind with a vast chasm between what they know and the questions they need answered.
If you are experiencing grief after the loss of a loved one, a registered therapist offers some helpful tips that you can use at this moment of need.
Grief: A Brief Insight
People feel grief after going through a traumatic experience, the end of a relationship, a significant change in one’s life, and the loss of a loved one.
What is crucial to understand is that grieving is normal and a necessary process that you undergo to cope with the passing of a person who is dear to you. However, it is worthwhile to point out that there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with your loss and grief.
People differ in the manner in which they process their grief, as well as in the length of time they experience this state. Some people can move on in a matter of weeks or months, while others may take longer. Factors like individual personality and how one copes with a loss can influence the length of the grieving process.
Five Stages of Grief
It is crucial to understand that there is no set timeline for the grieving process. There is no way to rush things, and you have to embrace the process in order for healing to take place fully.
Although there is no set timeframe for the grieving process, there are five stages of grief that you need to be aware of. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a psychiatrist, is credited for formulating the concept of these five stages. Initially, the idea was developed as the psychiatrist was studying terminally ill patients and their feelings.
The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is normal to experience all of these feelings. However, not everyone goes through all the stages of grief. Some people even have the ability to move on with their lives without going through the five stages.
It is also worthwhile to mention that a person’s response to a loss will differ from another’s.
You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup
As much as you would want to be the bedrock for your family and friends during this time of mourning, you first have to recognize your own grief before you can help others with theirs.
Instead of putting on a straight face and pretending you are strong, embrace your feelings. Trying to bury the emotions you feel can only complicate matters over the long run. This can lead to mental and physical problems.
Find a way to express your feelings. Consider writing a letter to the person that you lost, or collect his or her photos in a new album.
Resume your routines as soon as you can. Maintaining a sense of normalcy in your life will help you better cope with your loss and your emotions.
Take care of yourself, physically and mentally. Get enough rest and sleep, and make sure that you eat right. Resist the urge to turn to alcohol or drugs to numb your feelings.
Be prepared for situations or occasions that may trigger your grief. These include anniversaries, birthday and other special events. Especially when you are celebrating them for the first time after the passing of your loved one.
Processing Grief Together
After the death of a loved one, you will need to rely on the people close to you for some measure of comfort during this time of need.
As you process your grief, there are a few things that you can do to help your family members and friends as they try to cope with their loss.
The most important thing that you can offer to someone is a listening ear. Encourage your loved ones to share their feelings and talk about the grief they are currently experiencing.
However, resist the temptation to offer the promise that things will get better soon, or to rationalise the demise of the loved one that you lost.
As you and your loved ones are trying to rebuild your lives, even the simplest of things can matter and help. Little things like babysitting little children or helping with chores are invaluable to someone who is grieving.
Helping kids cope with the loss of a loved one can be particularly tricky, especially if it is a parent who passed away.
As much as possible, use simple and concrete words to explain the situation. Be direct, honest, and patient in answering their questions.
Children manifest their grief physically. As such, adults must watch out for these manifestations and provide reassurance and comfort to them.
As with adults, kids can benefit immensely from the restoration of routines. Encourage your young ones to go back to their normal activities as soon as possible.
Seeking Professional Help
Grief and clinical depression are two distinct things that may be difficult to distinguish from each other.
The easiest way to distinguish one from the other is to remember that grieving involves a mixture of emotions. There will be days when you may feel low, as well as days when you begin to experience happiness. A person who is experiencing depression does not undergo the rollercoaster of emotions. He or she sinks into the abyss of despair and emptiness.
If you are experiencing symptoms of depression, make an appointment with a therapist here at Good Mood Clinic. We can help you during this time of need.