Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Gemma and Justine have another conversation in their series on breakups and schemas today.
If you have ever experienced a breakup when you have an abandonment schema, you know how traumatic it is. So it is understandable if you would want to avoid going through that pain again. In this episode, Justine and Gemma share a mailbox segment. They answer a question sent in by a client of Justine, who is in the process of addressing her abandonment schema. Although she is doing well and has started experimenting with finding a relationship, she has become aware of a strong urge to avoid looking for a partner because she fears the feelings that might arise if things fail to work out.
In trying to care for herself in the longer term, Justine’s client is struggling to deal with her fears around the possibility of having to feel the feelings of abandonment again. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you are in that situation.
Show highlights:
- Gemma and Justine explain why people might intentionally choose to avoid relationships.
- There is a difference between someone avoiding finding a romantic partner due to the pain of an abandonment schema and someone who is not interested in a relationship.
- Life can be easier if you avoid relationships, but it can also be lonely.
- Even when you understand your schemas and can use that framework to understand your past relationship decisions and how they played out, it can still be difficult to muster the confidence to trust your decision-making and avoid choosing an unavailable partner.
- In their Red Flag Project, Gemma and Justine share a specific strategy to help you avoid becoming attached to people too quickly.
- Once you can spot the red flags, you will realize how much you have changed.
- Although you cannot avoid your emotional triggers, you can learn to respond in healthier ways.
- How to cope when you realize that your defectiveness schema has been triggered.
- Download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the podcast page on our website!
- What you can do if you are struggling to find someone you like.
- Even if you do not feel it initially, you could end up having amazing chemistry with someone who meets your emotional needs.
- Dating is about self-development as well as finding a partner. Doing the right kind of work can help shift your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and remove your internal barriers to finding someone.
Books:
Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
The Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing:
Justine and Gemma – justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
It is not uncommon early on in a relationship to realize deep down that your emotional needs will not be met, yet you find you are unable to leave. Things might have started hopefully, and you crave the connection and want things to work out, but you see a red flag. Or there may have been an accumulation of things that have added up over time. Either way, it is painful to be in a position where you know it is in your best interest to break things off, but you cannot do it.
Today, Gemma and Justine follow on from their last conversation in the area of breakups. In this episode, they talk about what happens in the early stage of a relationship, or a newly established relationship, when part of you knows that things are not working, or something is not right, but you cannot get out of it. Be sure to stay tuned today to learn how to start moving away from toxic patterns when you find your schemas getting in the way of calling it quits with a relationship.
Show highlights:
- Gemma and Justine discuss the inner conflict that happens when you know you should leave, but your abandonment schema gets in the way.
- It is vital to tune into your internal red flags and trust your gut instinct when you are not treated well enough or disrespected by someone.
- Recognizing the red flags when the writing is on the wall for a relationship.
- Some schemas and core beliefs could get in the way of ending a new relationship.
- Facing your inner critic is vital for seeing things as they are.
- Recognizing your adaptations of other-directedness.
- The dynamics in some relationships can constantly trigger schemas, and that could cause and maintain depression in some people.
- Learning to recognize it when you minimize, intellectualize, or rationalize someone’s bad behavior.
- Recognizing and acknowledging inconsistent or avoidant behavior in a partner.
- It is far better, to be honest with yourself and go through the short-term pain of calling a relationship off sooner rather than later if you are not getting what you need.
- Moving away from toxic patterns.
- How proximate disconnection could lead to an emotional deprivation schema.
- Abandonment and emotional deprivation tend to appear when someone has avoidant behaviors.
Recommended Book:
Reinventing Your Life
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Some people struggle a lot with the intensity of their feelings when they are in the throes of a break-up of a romantic relationship, particularly when they have an abandonment schema as well. The pain of the break-up and the schema becoming activated simultaneously presents a unique situation that leaves those individuals fraught with painful feelings.
In this episode, Gemma and Justine discuss why that kind of break-up feels so painful. They talk about what a normal break-up might feel like and explain how an abandonment schema adds extra suffering and a particularly unpleasant element to the break-up of a relationship. If you have an abandonment schema, be sure to listen in today to find out why you might be having such intense feelings and emotions after a break-up with someone you only met recently. You will also learn how an abandonment schema could lead to depression and how to make sense of that kind of situation in the future.
Show highlights:
- Why that kind of break-up feels so painful.
- Why the feelings are so intense when your abandonment schema gets triggered.
- What it feels like when the abandoned child mode comes up.
- Ways to get intense feelings to subside and to make sense of them.
- What it takes to understand an abandonment schema.
- How abandonment schemas can cause depression.
- What to do if you get triggered.
- Getting to know where your feelings are coming from.
- Addressing your abandonment issues and growing through that process.
Links and resources:
Email Gemma and Justine at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au if you would like to reach out to us, raise a topic, or ask a question.
Check out our website for more information on our Red Flag Project.
Check out what’s new on our Learning Hub.