Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
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Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
For confidential information, counseling, and support service, go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar
Wendy Behary’s website: www.disarmingthenarcissist.com
Recommended books:
Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary
We are delighted to have Wendy Behary joining us on the podcast today! Wendy is an expert on narcissism. She is very well-known in the world of schema therapy for the work she has done on narcissism.
Wendy is the Founder and Director of the Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and the Schema Therapy Institutes of New Jersey, New York City, and DC. She is also the author of the bestselling book, Disarming the Narcissist, which is now in its third edition.
Narcissists are impaired people. In this episode, Wendy talks about narcissism and the effects of growing up with a narcissist. She offers advice and some helpful tools for coping with difficult yet unavoidable encounters with the narcissistic individuals in your life and setting limits with them while taking care of yourself too. She also explains what is truly going on with narcissists emotionally.
We know that many of our listeners are interested in the topic of narcissism, so we hope that you will get a lot out of our conversation with Wendy Behary! Stay tuned to gain insight into narcissism and find out how to navigate your relationship with the narcissist in your life.
Show highlights:
- Narcissism is on a continuum, so there are people with narcissistic traits who may not have a full-blown personality disorder.
- If you grew up with someone narcissistic, your identity was probably held hostage for a long time. You will also have carried the burdens that typically come with having a narcissistic parent or adult caretaker living vicariously through you, putting unrealistic expectations upon you, or ignoring you because they are so self-centered.
- Why is it a good thing when you become highly sensitized to narcissism after learning about it?
- Notice the patterns in yourself where you go silent, give in, lose your voice, subjugate yourself, and sacrifice your own needs.
- Wendy explains what an activating condition is and how that triggers narcissistic people.
- Who is a narcissist, and what do you need to look out for in the early days of dating someone?
- If you want to be an advocate for yourself, be sure of your intention when talking to someone you are dating, and make sure that what you say is having the impact you want.
- What should you do if you’re dating someone you like but start noticing red flags?
- How to use “the narrator voice” as a tool when someone is love-bombing you.
- How to manage things and cope when facing someone narcissistic who triggers you, but you cannot avoid having them in your life.
- It is terrifying for narcissistic people when you try a new and different dance with them, but they are unlikely to know that.
- Wendy essentially re-wrote Disarming the Narcissist, elaborated on everything, and added three chapters of new material for the third edition.
- What does it mean to use empathic confrontation?
- Are narcissistic capable of change? If so, what makes them want to change, and what does the process look like for them?
- Narcissists are impaired humans. They act superior to everyone else, but how do they feel inside?
The Tinder Swindler (Part 2) on today’s episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Today, we continue with our two-part series on the Netflix production, The Tinder Swindler.
In the first part, we spoke about the schemas and modes of the scammer in the movie. He is a con artist who meets women on Tinder and then persuades them to lend him vast sums of money.
In the second part, we focus on the women, or the victims, in The Tinder Swindler. We look at victim-blaming and unpack why people on social media tended to blame the women in the movie and we also discuss some other types of love scams exposed in the media, examine the findings of various social studies and experiments, and talk about cat-fishing- all of which are related.
Victim blaming has been going on in our society for a long time. Stay tuned to learn what it is and why it tends to happen.
Show highlights:
- Why are the women in the movie so viciously attacked by men and women alike on social media after the movie came out?
- What is victim-blaming?
- Some of the main reasons people are inclined to blame the victim of a crime.
- Gemma explains what the just-world hypothesis, or the just-world fallacy, is all about.
- Why do humans tend to trust others?
- Why the first woman in the movie, Pernilla, quickly becomes infatuated with the con artist and handed her money over to him.
- What is the truth default?
- Social media leads to social proof. That can lead to people being conned or taken advantage of.
- How do schemas and unmet needs put people at greater risk of becoming victims of scams or con artists?
- How do schemas lead people to abandon their boundaries and hang onto dubious relationships for too long?
- The schemas that make people vulnerable to being targeted by narcissistic individuals
- Some stories about women being love-scammed by manipulative men in the Australian series, Fake.
- Inconsistencies and regular absences are obvious red flags.
- Cat-fishing is no joke! Justine explains what it is and shares her experience of it.
- Some tips to help you avoid getting cat-fished ⚠️
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Click here for the Break-Up Guide
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC (Go to our website to download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the Podcast Page!)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Gemma and Justine have another conversation in their series on breakups and schemas today.
If you have ever experienced a breakup when you have an abandonment schema, you know how traumatic it is. So it is understandable if you would want to avoid going through that pain again. In this episode, Justine and Gemma share a mailbox segment. They answer a question sent in by a client of Justine, who is in the process of addressing her abandonment schema. Although she is doing well and has started experimenting with finding a relationship, she has become aware of a strong urge to avoid looking for a partner because she fears the feelings that might arise if things fail to work out.
In trying to care for herself in the longer term, Justine’s client is struggling to deal with her fears around the possibility of having to feel the feelings of abandonment again. Be sure to stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you are in that situation.
Show highlights:
- Gemma and Justine explain why people might intentionally choose to avoid relationships.
- There is a difference between someone avoiding finding a romantic partner due to the pain of an abandonment schema and someone who is not interested in a relationship.
- Life can be easier if you avoid relationships, but it can also be lonely.
- Even when you understand your schemas and can use that framework to understand your past relationship decisions and how they played out, it can still be difficult to muster the confidence to trust your decision-making and avoid choosing an unavailable partner.
- In their Red Flag Project, Gemma and Justine share a specific strategy to help you avoid becoming attached to people too quickly.
- Once you can spot the red flags, you will realize how much you have changed.
- Although you cannot avoid your emotional triggers, you can learn to respond in healthier ways.
- How to cope when you realize that your defectiveness schema has been triggered.
- Download Ten Characteristics of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner on the podcast page on our website!
- What you can do if you are struggling to find someone you like.
- Even if you do not feel it initially, you could end up having amazing chemistry with someone who meets your emotional needs.
- Dating is about self-development as well as finding a partner. Doing the right kind of work can help shift your thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and remove your internal barriers to finding someone.
Books:
Reinventing Your Life
Reinventing Your Life By Janet S. Klosko and Jeffrey Young
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson
Welcome to another episode of the Good Mood Clinic podcast! Meeting people is hard and dating can be tricky business. Almost everyone is using dating apps these days, regardless of age. However, navigating your way through those apps can be a daunting experience. It is often fraught with problems, especially in the beginning.
Many of us grapple with issues associated with online dating. Today, Gemma and Justine talk about the early stages of meeting and communicating with someone online, which is often a challenge with which many of their clients struggle. Be sure to tune in today to learn how to make it easier to find a loving partner.
Show highlights:
- Justine talks about things that could add to the emotional roller coaster many people find themselves on in the early stages of dating someone.
- Justine talks about micro-decisions that could end up have a long-term impact.
- Schemas often tend to influence the decisions people make.
- Creating a profile on online dating apps that represents you appropriately.
- Choosing the right photos of yourself for your profile.
- Justine points out some choices you could make that could lead you to a dead-end on dating apps.
- Refining your screening process to better your chances of finding a good relationship.
- Some barriers that women tend to come up with that hinder their chances of meeting the right person.
- The first point of contact is crucial. Gemma points out some things you should be aware of at that stage.
- Justine shares an example of how something small could mean a lot.
Links and resources:
Email Gemma and Justine at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au if you would like to reach out to us, raise a topic, or ask a question.
Check out our website for more information on our Red Flag Project.
Check out what’s new on our Learning Hub.
Recommended books:
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young
Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen
Breaking Negative Relationship Patterns by Bruce A. Stevens and Eckhard Roediger