Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar
Today’s episode is an encore replay of Episode 20, which was a popular episode for our listeners.
We have another podcast in our series on narcissism for you. For today, we will stay with the topic of the narcissistic parent and discuss the types of relationships you might be having with your narcissistic parent and the kind of dynamics you might find within that relationship. Clinically, we tend to see four categories of those kinds of relationship dynamics. In this episode, we will go into some detail about each of those categories. Stay tuned for more.
The first dynamic that we see quite often is where you get stuck in constantly clashing with your parent. In the second category, you don’t fight very much with your parent, you tend to accept things as they are, and you do a lot of internalizing. The third category is the estrangement category, where we see those who have deliberately chosen to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent. And the fourth category is where you attempt to manage your narcissistic parent. Sometimes, some of those categories tend to overlap. Be sure to listen in today to find out more detail about each of the four different categories of relationship dynamics that you might find yourself in with your narcissistic parent.
Show highlights:
- Gemma summarizes the four categories of relationship dynamics.
- Sometimes, you might flip between the different categories from moment to moment and from interaction to interaction.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the first category of constantly clashing with the narcissistic parent in more detail. They also share some examples of how that dynamic could play out within families.
- What triangulation is, and how it could occur in families where there is a narcissistic parent.
- The children are not always treated in the same way by the narcissistic parent.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the second category, where the child internalizes, believes, and surrenders to the messages they get from the narcissistic parent, in more detail.
- Realizing that you have a narcissistic parent can lead you to have feelings of anger or even denial.
- How to deal with your anger after you come to realize that you have a narcissistic parent.
- Gemma and Justine discuss the third category, where they see people who have decided to cut themselves off from their narcissistic parent.
- Even those who have cut themselves off entirely from their narcissistic parent still need to work on the relationship because they have unfinished business with that person.
- Looking at the last relationship dynamic, which Gemma and Justine call the management mode.
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Additional resource:
John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching
Parenting is not easy. It is even harder for those raised by narcissistic parents because that is a particularly toxic way to rear a child.
Today, Gemma and Justine answer a mailbox question from a listener brought up by a mother with narcissistic traits. Even though the listener acknowledges that her mother loved her, and did her best, some of what she said and did still impacted her life and mental health. As a result, she sometimes lacks empathy for her children and finds herself saying or doing the same things her mother would have done. She feels a lot of guilt and shame because of that.
In this episode, we dive into what you need to do as a parent if you were raised by someone with narcissistic traits and want to avoid rearing your children in the same way. We take a close look at the things you have to be mindful of and do that narcissistic parents struggle with or tend not to do.
Stay tuned today to find out what to do and how to cope if you were under-parented or had narcissistic parents, and then become a parent yourself.
Show highlights:
- Getting to know yourself and your schemas is vital before you decide to have a child.
- Coping with anger when it comes up in you as a new parent.
- Feelings of deprivation and anger from a relationship with a narcissistic parent tend to come up and feel worse when you are vulnerable. It is vital to be mindful of those feelings and reflect on them.
- Avoid getting into a tug-o-war with your strong-willed child.
- Take a few moments to reflect on what is going on with you before you start doing emotional first-aid.
- Gemma shares a list of things that narcissistic parents do not do or with which they tend to struggle.
- There is a lot of therapeutic power in an apology.
- Narcissists tend to demand respect without doing anything to cultivate it.
- Why do people raised by narcissistic parents tend to develop subjugation schemas?
- Transparently modeling for your child how you do your self-development is extremely valuable.
- You can gain confidence as a parent with John Gottman’s Emotional Coaching.
- Justine and Gemma are thinking of creating a membership group to help people interested in self-development and schema therapy get a comprehensive overview of the schema model. Email them if you are interested in joining the group.
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
In today’s mailbox episode, Gemma and Justine address two questions submitted by two different listeners. One of the questions is about co-parenting children with a narcissistic ex-partner and how to protect them from the negative influences of their narcissistic parent. The other question is about supporting a partner while they have schema therapy.
Like any other personality trait, type, or disorder, narcissism falls on a continuum, so every case is different and comes with its own level of difficulty. People can fall anywhere on the spectrum, from having a few narcissistic traits to being an extremely toxic pathological and malignant narcissist. Some people with narcissistic traits could also have some healthy traits. So you might be able to communicate with them rationally in their healthy moments, while others may have more extreme traits and can be more difficult to deal with as a co-parent.
Narcissism is a complicated topic, and co-parenting your children with a narcissistic ex-partner can be very tricky. You can go back and listen to episodes 14, 17, 20, and 22 to gain a deeper understanding of narcissism and learn how to deal with the narcissist in your life. Those episodes also cover how to manage your narcissistic parents when you are an adult.
Gemma and Justine are passionate about schema therapy, getting to the crux of the issue, and helping people realize that there is always something they can do, so stay tuned to hear their responses to today’s mailbox questions.
Show highlights:
- Justine reads out and discusses the email that Joe sent in asking how to support his teenage daughters without undermining their relationship with their narcissistic mother.
- Gemma explains how Joe can keep the lines of communication with his kids open.
- Justine explains to Joe how he can provide a safe space and be an emotional coach for his kids.
- What you can do when your child comes home and shares a distressing story about something that has happened at their other parent’s house.
- Talking to your kids about boundaries.
- There are many resources available on the topic of narcissism.
- Justine and Gemma summarize and discuss Karen’s question about how to help and support her partner while he is doing schema therapy.
- How to cope with a partner with an emotional deprivation and a self-sacrifice schema.
- Coming up with a plan when your partner and you both get triggered.
- Why you should never throw things that people have said to you when they are vulnerable back in their faces.
- How the subjugation and self-sacrifice schemas are correlated.
Links:
Free webinar:
https://susanstif
Books:
Disarming the Narcissist, by Wendy Behary
As promised, we are continuing with the theme of narcissism. Some of us have no choice but to live with a narcissist or be around one at certain times. That is usually not very easy to do, so, today we will be talking about ways you can manage the narcissist in your life when you cannot escape having to spend time around them. It could be a parent, a sibling, a relative, an in-law, a boss, or even a work colleague.
Christmas tends to be one of those times when we find ourselves having to sit around a table with someone whose company we would normally prefer to avoid. A narcissist is someone who is at the core of it, very self-absorbed, and their behavior can be challenging and difficult to deal with. Interacting with a narcissist is likely to trigger all of your schemas, so it is helpful to know what you can do to manage the situation. Be sure to stay tuned today to get some tips and find out the best course of action to take when you cannot avoid spending some time with the narcissist in your life.
Show highlights:
- The core qualities of a narcissist.
- The narcissistic parent.
- Why narcissists tend to blame others.
- The covert narcissist.
- Boundaries are necessary for your mental health, but they can sometimes be hard to define.
- Justine shares some ways that you can manage a narcissist.
- The way that narcissists behave can make it difficult to be around them. Justine and Gemma share some tips for making it a little easier.
- Practicing interpersonal mindfulness.
- Sometimes, relationships are very difficult and non-manageable.
- What you can do to prepare yourself before spending time with a narcissist.
- Some ways to protect yourself.
Links and resources:
Email Gemma and Justine at gemmaandjustine@goodmood.com.au
Go to the Good Mood Clinic website podcast page to download your free guide, which talks about the characteristics of an emotionally available partner.
Books mentioned:
Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina W Brown
Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T Behary