Are You Living a Subjugated Life? Learn more on today’s episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
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When we subjugate ourselves, we suppress our authenticity and aspects of who we are. In schema therapy, the self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas are called other-directed schemas. Those schemas appear similar in that they are both subjugating schemas, but there are some key differences.
We tend to suppress our needs when we want to care for others. We suppress our views and desires when we are afraid of getting hurt or angering someone. People-pleasers are always looking out for the other person and want to please someone if they feel guilty or scared of what that person might do.
Subjugation schemas, like all other schemas, are on a spectrum and a continuum. The good news is that subjugation schemas are treatable, workable, and malleable. So if we look at what is going on with those schemas, we can change them and avoid living a subjugated life.
In this episode, Gemma talks about schemas related to people-pleasing and gets into the subtle details of people-pleasing, subjugation, and self-sacrifice. She pulls those concepts apart and explains how they are related and what they mean. If you have a self-suppression of subjugation pattern in your life, stay tuned to find out what could be going on with you.
Show highlights:
- Subjugation schemas are exhausting! They can take a toll on people physically, mentally, and emotionally.
- Why are people-pleasers not free to be themselves?
- People with subjugation schemas often experience life from a position of passivity- particularly if they surrender to their subjugation schema.
- Why do people with big subjugation schemas lack a sense of self?
- Self-sacrifice is a version of subjugation. Gemma discusses the self-sacrifice schema and explains where it could come from.
- Why do self-sacrificing people tend to be empathic and sensitive?
- Unlike self-sacrifice, subjugation is done to you. Gemma talks about subjugation, describes it as a schema, and discusses how it could come about.
- People with subjugation schemas tend to feel helpless and powerless and believe that others have more power than them- even when they do not.
- Unacknowledged and suppressed anger from subjugation schemas can result in various stress-related physical problems. Gemma explains how to get rid of that anger.
- If you do not change your situation or bad habits, you implicitly choose those things for yourself.
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Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Book mentioned in the show:
When the Body Says No by Gabor Mat
Some of the ways we behave and think are known as schemas. Schemas could be described as a filter through which we view the world, and they are closely linked to our deeply entrenched core beliefs.
Recently, Justine and Gemma received emails from various listeners experiencing similar problems. One of the emails was from Harry, who explained that he has an empathetic personality and suffered from being in a relationship with someone narcissistic, which probably means he has a self-sacrifice schema and possibly some other issues as well. Sally also wrote in to say that she has a friend who is a big self-sacrificer, and it gets in the way of her life.
In this episode, Gemma and Justine look at Harry and Sally’s situations and discuss schemas. They describe the self-sacrifice schema. They also describe the subjugation schema, which is different but often gets correlated with the self-sacrifice schema clinically. They discuss what those schemas feel like, what brings them up, and the kinds of problems they cause for people. They also give several tips for breaking out of self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns. Stay tuned for more!
Show highlights:
- Justine describes the self-sacrifice schema.
- Guilt and resentment are associated with self-sacrifice schemas.
- Gemma talks about where the subjugation schema comes from, what brings it up, and the kind of problems it can cause.
- Resentment usually kicks in after the self-sacrifice schema has come up.
- With subjugation schemas, people fear retaliation, rejection, and abandonment.
- The stress-related conditions that to occur with self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas.
- Gemma explains why she describes self-sacrifice and subjugation schemas as adaptive schemas, and why they might be referred to as conditional or secondary schemas in schema therapy.
- Why sensitive or empathic people are more prone to developing and surrendering to a self-sacrifice schema.
- Why are people with a self-sacrifice schema likely drawn to or targeted by narcissistic or entitled individuals?
- Justine and Gemma share some tips for breaking out of the self-sacrifice and subjugation schema patterns.
- Gemma explains what schema therapy is all about.
- There are dangers in not establishing good boundaries early on in your relationships and checking in with your schemas soon enough to start creating healthy options.
- Gemma talks about their new website, www.theredflagproject.com