Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
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Schema Chemistry Recorded Webinar
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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar
We are talking about schema chemistry today!
Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening.
Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term.
In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don’t work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns!
Show highlights:
- When you think of your previous relationships, it is worth pondering whether or not they were loaded with baggage you brought in from the past.
- What tends to happen when we are in a schema-driven relationship?
- Gemma and Justine discuss the patterns and cycles they see with schemas and how people tend to get involved with emotionally unavailable partners because of their schemas.
- Sometimes people with similar schemas get together but cope in different ways. Their coping styles can trigger each other. Justine gives an example of that kind of interaction.
- Gemma and Justine explain how schema chemistry keeps people stuck in relationships that reinforce their schemas.
- Schema therapy is a good framework for understanding how your schemas keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships, breaking patterns, and empowering yourself.
- How to use schema therapy to make better dating decisions and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce your schemas.
- Some signs that you could be in a relationship with high schema chemistry.
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theredflagproject._/
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/The-Red-Flag-Project-103442091937249
Check out what’s new on our LEARNING HUB
For confidential information, counseling, and support service go to https://1800respect.org.au.
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
Today, we are talking about red flags.
The Netflix movie, The Tinder Swindler, shows an extremely nasty example of an emotionally unavailable man. The movie is scary but riveting. It tells the story of a con man who persuades women he meets on Tinder to lend him large sums of money. Even though the character in the movie is an extreme version of what an emotionally unavailable man might be like, it helps to make things clear when we take his personality apart and scrutinize it from a schema perspective.
In this two-part series, we deconstruct the program of someone emotionally unavailable. In today’s episode, we dissect the personality of the con man in the movie from a schema perspective. In Part 2, we will take a closer look at the dynamics of what is going on with the women- or the victims. We will also break down and explain what happens psychologically with the victim-blaming and bitterness targeted towards those women.
Learning to recognize red flags early on will help you make better decisions when trying to find a partner or help you understand what might be going on with the person you are dating. Stay tuned for more!
Show highlights:
- Nowadays, con men and women have more means, resources, and avenues to exploit and manipulate people than ever before.
- The character in the movie quickly screens his victims and feeds into their idea of what love and romance should look like.
- We explain why the movie character probably has a narcissistic personality disorder and falls into the anti-social psychopathy spectrum.
- The movie character has a strong sense of self-importance and a massive ego.
- We discuss the various schema modes of the movie character.
- In schema therapy, anti-social traits get correlated with the psychopathy spectrum.
- What does the person in the conning and manipulative mode do to achieve their goals?
- Most people do not expect to come across anyone with a dominant mode to intentionally con and deceive others. Gemma shares a clue to look out for that would indicate that someone has that mode.
- When challenged, or called out, the movie character quickly switched from a charming to an angry and threatening mode.
- Although he had many red flags, the guy in the movie was adept at quickly building a sense of trust and intimacy with his victims.
- Why does it become harder for people to look at red flags rationally after being love-bombed?
- It is vital to trust your gut feelings if things do not add up or you feel confused.
Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
Go straight to THE RED FLAG PROJECT course for women
Visit our website THE GOOD MOOD CLINIC
Ask us a question or suggest a topic by emailing: justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
***Trigger Warning: This podcast discusses the issue of emotional eating *****
Content in this podcast in no way constitutes medical or nutritional advice. This episode does not constitute, nor is it intended to be, psychological (or other) advice for those people who have struggled with a serious eating problem or eating disorder in the past or currently.
Dear Listeners:-
Please note that in this episode we share our personal experience with food, food choices and schemas and we discuss things like ’emotional eating’ and ‘comfort food’. Struggles with food, especially ‘stress eating’ and using food as an emotional comfort, are very common in our society. However, please remember that we are all very unique, beautiful individuals who are on our own journey in this life and we all face our own particular issues & struggles.
What is our intention with this episode and others like it?
Please know that we do put a little thought into our episodes and we want only the best for you! With these discussions on food and schemas we have a few intentions. The main one being, that we hope to normalise the struggle with food that so many people experience. One of our aims with our podcast in general is to be real and honest and also provide people with hope and empowerment as well as destigmatizing mental health issues and unhelpful mental health labels.
This food series is about looking at the ways our schemas and modes can pose a barrier and can sabotage our health-based decisions and choices. We are not giving advice about what to do, rather, we are providing a discussion around the role schemas and parts of self can play when we attempt to make health-based decisions for ourselves. It can be valuable to look through the issue with a schema lens and help name certain parts of ourselves and the role they play.
Please note:
- We are not “fat shaming” ourselves or anyone else. But we are talking about a serious and unfortunately sometimes very contentious issue – food and eating. There are many opinions which exist in the field. Some helpful, some unhelpful.
- We are not promoting unhealthy “dieting” or “restrictive eating”.
- We are interested in the promotion of health, self-care, body-care, courageous acts of facing ‘what is’, including unhealthy behaviour patterns; mindful self-compassion and schema and schema mode awareness.
- We do talk about what has worked for us in the past and make mention to the types of food we find problematic and those we wish to we limit.
- It is our hope that by sharing some of our own personal journey on the subject we can provide some insight into the psychological factors which drive ’emotional eating’ in those without severe eating disorders.
- We do like to have a laugh and use humour and we can also be irreverent sometimes!
- The podcast is for information & entertainment purposes.
We hope you enjoy this series.
Show Highlights:
- Why do Gemma and Justine want to change their relationship with food?
- Gemma talks about her struggles with stress eating and explains why she wants to overcome them.
- There is a difference between having compassionate firmness and a healthy parent approach in your mind to your issues and being punitive and nasty to yourself.
- Gemma remembers how her emotional eating patterns began when she was in her twenties.
- We have an old and primitive relationship with food and there are many endorphins linked to the feeding process. That is why our food issues tend to run deep and have many psychological layers.
- There is a big difference between having knowledge and implementing decisions based on that knowledge daily for your health and longevity.
- Justine’s emotional eating began when she was a child and escalated as the commitments in her life increased.
- Having a quick dopamine hit in the form of something sweet brings Justine instant but short-lived relief from stress-related tension.
- Justine loves to read with a cup of tea and a bar of chocolate. She tends to do that much too often because it is an easy reward for her busy life.
- When she rushes around, Justine tends to lose touch with the reality of where she is at and thinks she can eat whatever she wants.
- Justine conceptualizes the voice in her head that encourages her to eat chocolate at night in schema-speak.
- Gemma talks about the health-based challenge in which she is involved.
- It is vital to keep your long-term goals in mind- even in vulnerable moments.