Welcome to another episode of The Good Mood Clinic Podcast!
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Healing the Vulnerable Child Webinar
We are talking about schema chemistry today!
Have you ever been swept away in the excitement of a new relationship soon after meeting someone? Perhaps you cannot stop thinking about the person and believe they are perfect for you because it feels like you have known them all your life. It might feel amazing initially, but over the next few weeks or months, things start to unravel. You may begin to feel some pangs of uncertainty and insecurity. You might feel disconnected, unseen, or afraid of losing them. Eventually, the relationship fizzles out, and you feel devastated even though you were not together for long, and you wonder what is happening.
Romantic relationships tend to be loaded with potential patterns of repetition and baggage from the past. Often, we are not even aware of it. Usually, the more intense the romantic chemistry, the less likely you will have your emotional needs met and the more unsuitable that person will be for you in the long term.
In this episode, we dive into the interactions between schemas and modes. Stay tuned to uncover the hidden reason why your relationships don’t work out, find out how your schemas and modes can influence your romantic relationships, and learn what you can do to avoid getting stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns!
Show highlights:
- When you think of your previous relationships, it is worth pondering whether or not they were loaded with baggage you brought in from the past.
- What tends to happen when we are in a schema-driven relationship?
- Gemma and Justine discuss the patterns and cycles they see with schemas and how people tend to get involved with emotionally unavailable partners because of their schemas.
- Sometimes people with similar schemas get together but cope in different ways. Their coping styles can trigger each other. Justine gives an example of that kind of interaction.
- Gemma and Justine explain how schema chemistry keeps people stuck in relationships that reinforce their schemas.
- Schema therapy is a good framework for understanding how your schemas keep you stuck in unhealthy relationships, breaking patterns, and empowering yourself.
- How to use schema therapy to make better dating decisions and avoid getting stuck in relationships that reinforce your schemas.
- Some signs that you could be in a relationship with high schema chemistry.
Dr Gemma Gladstone speaks on how to start reparenting yourself
NOTE: For access to Gemma’s 2.5 hour “Healing the Vulnerable Child” webinar please contact her directly at justineandgemma@goodmood.com.au
See how this relates to romantic/intimate relationships – go to Justine and Gemma’s Course on Schema Chemistry & Love traps Course
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In schema therapy, the therapist sometimes engages with the client in different ways through limited re-parenting as part of the therapeutic relationship.
Today, we will be talking about how we can re-parent ourselves. Re-parenting is something almost everyone can do because we all have the necessary emotional resources within us.
If you take the time to tune in, you can easily tap into your inner emotional resources and help yourself through re-parenting. In this episode, we dive into what reparenting means, how you can do your own re-parenting, and what you need to consider when thinking about re-parenting yourself.
If you are dealing with mental health issues or recovering from core schemas around abandonment, emotional deprivation, mistrust abuse, defectiveness, or any other schema set up early in life, you will gain a lot from this show. Stay tuned for more!
Show highlights:
- It is important to understand that our personalities are not made of just one single unit. We all have many parts of ourselves.
- In schema therapy, we sometimes refer to the vulnerable child mode. It is similar to the inner child and is the part of the self that holds all the emotional pain from childhood.
- Gemma talks about reactions to triggers that could activate the vulnerable child mode and evoke an exaggerated emotional response.
- We need a framework within which to talk about re-parenting and consider what we can do to help the parts of ourselves that are struggling.
- First, we need to become aware that parts of ourselves are cut off and struggling.
- Gemma explains what happens to us when we are young and bad things happen.
- How and why dissociation works as a survival mechanism.
- Gemma explains the concept of moral defense.
- Re-parenting ourselves is all about rediscovering, connecting with, and reclaiming the lost parts of ourselves.
- Some barriers to connecting with the wounded parts of the self.
- Some starter points to re-parenting yourself.
- Start noticing your triggered feelings.
- Part of re-parenting is learning to soothe yourself in healthy and appropriate ways.